[ Posted on November 22, 2006 @ 10:13 am ] Holy Hell. It's been awhile, hasn't it? A month tomorrow since my last post. Well, I'm sure Matt will be happy to discover this. Meh. I don't know. And that annoys me. Not knowing. It feels like Matt and I haven't really "talked" since Sunday. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but it really seems we haven't. And last night on the phone to me seemed awkward. It's like, we were both busy with our collective lives that we had small chitchat. Which isn't bad, of course... I don't know. I'm rambling unsatisfied again. Ugh. I'm sure if I have a deep conversation with someone it'll all pass. Maybe Savannah or Chelsea. Eh. But, what I really love... ...was on Sunday at the "Drive In Movie" thing at church. We were laying there freezing and my hands were under his thigh and his hands were under my shirt. But, it wasn't sexual at all. We were just trying to keep warm. I don't know... I just liked the closeness and comfort we had going on. Anyway... I've been going to yoga. I go as far as I can before pain sets in, then the woman critiques me e_e; I hate when people critique my body's limits. Whatever. I asked my grandmother today if we could up to Publix to get green tea. And that was a failure. She offered me "English" tea instead that was in a little box. I said no thanks then she offers to take me lunch for anything I want. I think she's thinking I don't eat enough again. Yesterday, it was the samething. I had some soy nuggets, then she offers soup. Well. I take it even though I'm full. After that, she offers me pound cake! >_<; I know she cares, but it's overwhelming, you know? Ezra's bein' a sweetie this morning; following me around and wanting to be held. He's so cute. In fact, right now, he's beside me. It's cute. Hmm. I thought I had plans today, but they died. Now, I'm at home, probably until lunch. Tomorrow's Thanksgiving, isn't it? Maybe? I'm not really sure. Oh, well. We're not doing anything. I'm not even sure that we're eating now. There's been some debate about it. Maybe I'll beg a friend to let me attend their family. Be adopted for the day. Oh, God. My family is lame when it's the holidays... BLAHG.GIFJGIFGJIFJGIFJ. >_>; Yes. 2

[ Posted on October 23, 2006 @ 9:07 pm ] Today was good. Fairly. The weather was perfect. Perfect. It was chilly with a cool breeze. I wore a hoodie all day. This hoodie [One James got me for last Christmas] reminds me of all that's happened in a year. We'll start with last October. I liked Bill, who introduced me to Savannah at Kaleidoscope. I became friends with Savannah through AIM, and we met up once more on Oct. 29th, 2005 at the first BOB show at the Orange Park Civic Center. While there, I met Caitie's boyfriend Kord and Savannah's boyfriend at the time, Matt, briefly by randomly running up and hugging him then running away. Also there, I met James for a second time and we had this weird waving thing going on. All while watching Zach and Michael and others play in BOB. Later that night, Savannah, Bill, Matt and I went outside and hung around outdoors until we had to leave. On November 5th, I had a birthday thing with Kui, Kathryn, Bill, Savannah, and Matt [who I barely knew at the time]. That was an interesting night to say the least. A week later, every relationship thing ended dramatically but Caitie had ended up James in the long run. Around December Matt and I had messaged each other and talked on AIM on a daily basis even though I still had a thing for Bill. Then, James, Matt and I all went to the movies and my crush on Matt developed from then on. In January at a school dance I showed Bill I could have fun without being around him and proved to myself that I could be happy. In March, Caitie had gotten in a tiff with James at Adventure Landing with me and Matt there. I flirted with Matt alot while there and he finally gave me my Christmas gift; Rainbow gloves! Caitie and James ended. On April 2nd, shortly after I started attending church, the church went to the fair. I hung out with the guys cause Caitie wasn't there, which was Michael's fault. I flirted, again, alot with Matt. That night on AIM, I told him I liked him. Then, he asked Caitie for advice to ask me out and it was very cute. A month later, I believe, Caitie started dating Michael. In June, RoL came and went and there was only a small amount of drama that intertwined there. James started dating Lauryn and Caitie ditched Michael at some point and started dating Zach. School started and Michael did lots of shit and Caitie and Zach are still going strong though. Savannah started dating a sweet boy named Josh. James is still with Lauryn, and me and Matt hit six months Oct. 2. Zach's little brother started dating James' little sister. And everyone seems happy. Lots of change for the better. There are parts I left out, but I didn't know about them well enough to put them in, so yeah... Anyway, lots has happened in a year.

[ Posted on October 22, 2006 @ 8:13 pm ] Why do I always fucking cry? I always do. Nothing has even happened to me, and I'm fucking crying. Make it stop. I hate being unhappy. I'm not even sure what I'm unhappy about and I'm fucking unhappy. Why is this song so damn depressing... I just don't want to be here right now. I don't know where I want to be right now. I wish you were weak like me and could spill your guts all over the sidewalk like I do for all the world to see. But, maybe it's better just cramming it in your skull, lock and key, for no one to know. I wish Caitie was here. Or Chelsea or Nicole. Or just someone to hug for a little bit without thinking I'm stupid for crying so damn much. I just don't know anymore. I'm not happy. And that's it. Yeah. That's it.

[ Posted on October 20, 2006 @ 6:33 pm ] I'm not going to sit on my ass in front of this computer for hours. I'm going to go outside and actually do something... Unlike my lazy-ass of a mother who sits all day to come home and sit for hours till bed. What a lethargic whore. Argh. I never want to be like her.

[ Posted on October 17, 2006 @ 4:26 pm ] I should just stop talking. My attempts (which I believe have points) just fail awkwardly. Flopping around on the floor, screaming in whispers, "Why don't you understand?! Why don't you get it?!" So, it's most likely me- my skills at communication bringing me awkwardness. Maybe I should be more blunt. I dunno. I was pretty unmotivated this morning. Barely brushing my hair, just washing my face and leaving gthe house without makeup or contacts. Zachariah told me that he was the cosmos and that three couples he knew ended over the weekend. Then he warned me that my relationship could be next. I replied, "Thanks for the optimism!" in my most enthusiastic tone. I wasn't in the mood for his humor. What a delight. I want to see The Science of Sleep. And I want to own Little Miss Sunshine. And I want to be sunkissed in freckles. And I want a really nice camera. WantWantWant. I always want. I'm such a hoe. Okay. I'm done moping, ranting, whatevering; Happy Things;; My 16th birthday is on November 8th! I'm finally "getting" things in math! I am smart! Mom's been hinting about my birthday gift. There's a kitten in my lap. Quote of the day; "Sarah, do you think bi people are greedy?" -Ian Miller

[ Posted on October 16, 2006 @ 7:49 pm ] Well, some updates;; Please, VOTE here. It'd be great if you did because if I won I would have MY photography on a Jones Soda label. And also, if I got my photography "out there" it'd look fantastic on a resume for college. So, I've decided to major in Photography at UNF. I also, if you note at the top of the page to my Photography, have two new pictures on my d.A. account. You should totally check them out. It's a PHOTO DAY. Wheeeee.

[ Posted on October 15, 2006 @ 8:00 pm ] I don't feel like writing about my day in a precise manner. I will just write my thoughts. Well, first-- I love Matthew. I thought I would just put that out there since it seems to be the most important thought. And I already miss him terribly. My other thoughts are;; This music fits my mood perfectly. "Look Into The Air" - Explosion In The Sky. Just instrumental. But, it portrays so much. I'm kind of sad. In a tired, "I wish I was grown up" kind of way. The destroyed woods was depressing. I was pretty melancholy about it. I kind of wanted to cry in a way. But crying would've been too dramatic, I think. And I also think that I was just in a crying mood. Yeah. That was probably it. Matt met my aunt and uncle today. And I guess today was the first time I got to look at them from a guest kind of veiw, instead of a "I have to like you since you're family" kind of way. And really, it made me like them even less. Not in a hateful way. That I resent them way. No, it's not that. But, in a way you look at a persistantly annoying stranger and you kind of just wish you were somewhere else. Yeah, that was the feeling. And church. I made the mistake of telling Ira that I didn't have the money to go to the ski trip, instead of also saying I didn't want to go. So he confronted me and offered to pay. It was awkward when I declined but he didn't look offended that I didn't want to go. Then, just at the end, I didn't know what to do with myself. If I should just leave, or say bye to certain people, or what. I don't know. It was all just very ragged at the time. Oh, by the way. I was never asleep at church. Only pretending. I was savoring it. The sounds. The feels. The movie. I wanted to remember it later. Yeah, I know. I'm strange. Yes, Caitie. I bet I did looked passed out. On the way home, Mom asked me alot of things I had already explained to her. Nothing big, inparticular. Just things. Things she didn't believe I already told her. Dinner was ready when I came home. Everything had meat in it. So, I was on my own. I made Ginger Soy Noodles. Or something along that title. And now my stomach kinda hurts. I know I wrote this kind of... depressingly. But, I am just telling you how it is right now. I'm not trying to make it sound bad. Okay, well, just to end on a light note, today overall was really great. One of the best, really. Yes, yes it was. 1

[ Posted on October 14, 2006 @ 10:02 am ] Today; Nothing is planned. Tomorrow; Matt is coming over ^___^ Hanging out 'n stuff. I'm excited. Other problems on my mind; Stop being so fuckin' epic. Also, Matt; Get the Wii? Please? I know I am sending mixed signals here, but I will feel bad if you don't get the Wii. I kind of wish James didn't tell you I felt like that because I know you've been waiting on the Wii for months and I would really feel bad if you came instead of getting the Wii. Please, get the Wii instead.

[ Posted on October 12, 2006 @ 8:18 pm ] Mom's 48th birthday is tomorrow. I got her; Toby Keith's CD and Dolly Parton's. It's got some of her favorite songs on both. JOLENE. JOLENE. JOLENE. JOOOOOOLENE. I'M BEGGING YOU, PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY MAN. JOLENE. JOLENE. JOLENE. JOLENE. PLEASE DON'T TAKE HIM JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN! >_> YOUR BEAUTY IS BEYOND COMPARE. WITH FLAMING LOCKS OF AUBURN HAIR WITH IVORY SKIN AND EYES OF EMERALD GREEN. YOUR SMILE IS LIKE A BREATH OF SPRING. YOUR VOICE IS SOFT LIKE SUMMER RAIN AND I CANNOT COMPETE WITH YOU, JOLENE. HE TALKS ABOUT YOU IN HIS SLEEP. THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO TO KEEP FROM CRYING WHEN HE CALLS YOUR NAME, JOLENE. AND I CAN EASILY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU COULD EASILY TAKE MY MAN, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO ME, JOLENE. JOLENE. JOLENE. JOLENE. JOOOOOOLENE. I'M BEGGING OF YOU, PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY MAN. JOLENE. JOLENE. JOLENE. JOOOOOOOLENE. PLEASE DON'T TAKE HIM JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN. YOU COULD HAVE YOUR CHOICE OF MEN, BUT I COULD NEVER LOVE AGAIN. HE'S THE ONLY ONE FOR ME, JOLENE. I HAD TO HAVE THIS TALK WITH YOU. MY HAPPINESS DEPENDS ON YOU, AND WHATEVER YOU DECIDE TO DO, JOLENE... JOLENE. JOLENE. JOLENE. JOOOOOLENE. I'M BEGGING OF YOU PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY MAN. JOLENE. JOLENE. JOLENE. JOOOOOLENE. PLEASE DON'T TAKE HIM EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN, JOLENE. JOLENE. I love that song...

[ Posted on October 10, 2006 @ 7:10 pm ] SarahAWallflower: o_o http://archive.salon.com/sex/feature/2003/05/24/catwoman/story.jpg SKAnkinFever: omg SKAnkinFever: that is sooo gunna happen SarahAWallflower: HAHAHA. Halloween's gonna rock. [And not just because it's with Matt, even though that's the major reason] -I love my costume. -I haven't trick-or-treated in years! -Uhm. IT'S JUST GONNA BE BETTER THAN EVER. EVER.

[ Posted on October 10, 2006 @ 4:50 pm ] Muahaha. I win at life. I do, really. Reminders for myself; 5 Page Biography on Scientist due Friday for Extra Credit Whoo! Today was good. The end. Loooooove.

[ Posted on October 09, 2006 @ 10:04 pm ] It's really amazing how people can be rude to you when ironically, you're doing something nice for them. Yeah. Oh, well.

[ Posted on October 09, 2006 @ 9:10 pm ] Worry. Worry. Worry. Why don't you just start? Hopefully, I'll have answers by next Monday.

[ Posted on October 08, 2006 @ 1:10 pm ] Nightmare;; I went into this really clean house and this man was sitting on a couch and some people from my school were sitting on the floor, whispering amongst themselves with worried looks. The man asked me over and started asking me questions, very observing ones that belittle you and pick you a part. And he'd get really close and I'd back away. Then, I noticed Caitie. And someone's IM went off on a computer and the kid on the computer reassured the man who was now rushing over, that he wasn't talking to anyone or telling them where they were at. Well, the man drew his attention back to the rest of the crowd and went on to tell us how much we'd like it here. And he went away from a bit and Caitie came over to me. The man came back with what looked like a camera. Everyone started screaming, including me and we all laid on the floor covering our eyes and the flash went off, and a burning sensation crept over us. I felt Caitie's hand creep across my back really shakey-like, and she was crying. No one wanted to look up to see what happened to us since our skin felt raw... 1

[ Posted on October 07, 2006 @ 8:07 pm ] Today was good. Went to the mall for my contacts. I ran into Zachariah from Chemistry. Hilarious guy. We talked a little about everything. At two, I went to go find my mom and he walked me there which I thought was nice of him. Got my contacts and they're great. I love them. Afterwards, I got my dead-ends trimmed. The lady did a wonderful job. Started playing Link's Awakening when I got home. Kind of stuck in Mysterious Forest. Need to find that damn Toadstool. I was thinking in the bookstore, that maybe I am one of those people who are really amazing but you have to dig below the layers. Indifferent. Yeah, that seemed pretty egotistical. Mom's ranting about the cats. She's the one who brought them home. Haha. Okay. I'm off.

[ Posted on October 06, 2006 @ 10:17 pm ] Well. My night didn't get better, unfortunately. I went to swing night. Hung out with Savannah and her boyfriend, Josh. Got hungry, bought some nachos and this guy called me fat. Dumbass. I know he is, but it still made me stop eating my order. Oh, well. I made my mom buy me a salad from Publix on the way home. I feel better. Just listening to Explosion In The Sky again. It's really cold in my house. Or maybe it's just me.

[ Posted on October 06, 2006 @ 5:10 pm ] Fuuuck. I hate math. Hate hate hate it. I had that algebra II test, today. Four pages long! I got two and a half pages done. Miss Jackson said I could have five minutes to finish it. But, that wouldn't be enough to do a page and a half. So, she took it up. I want to blame her, but I can't. It's my own fault for having to do the problem over in my head several times. God. I told my mom and she says she'll talk to my teacher. It's not her fault, I told her it was mine. So, then she went on to imply I was unintelligent. And on that stupid PSAT practice thing; Average is 49 points. I got fuckin' 43. I fail at life. ARGH. Obviously, I am unintelligent. And stupid. And belong in a hole. Okay. I'm sorry. I just feel like that right now. I know it's not true. Just today tried its best to convince me that I am. Well, I'm going to swing dancing tonight. Just to be with people and away from my mom. Okay. Merrr.

[ Posted on October 06, 2006 @ 12:38 am ] This was in the wood's. And this is the favorite out of today's photos. I have others, but I'm too lazy to post them. If you want to see them. Asssk. I'm procrastinating homework. Math test tomorrow. Who's gonna fail it? Sarah is. Woot woot. No matter how much effort I put into it. Alright, I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I'm pretty much in love with Explosion In The Sky. All instrumental, mood music. I love it. Fits perfectly.

[ Posted on October 05, 2006 @ 5:32 pm ] what can peanut butter do for you?

[ Posted on October 04, 2006 @ 10:05 pm ] I haven't written anything in a while... I'll do that from time to time... Things I'm currently thinking- [Milliseconds and nanoseconds exist, Alex Sprunt] Things can happen in less than a second, or else they wouldn't have measurements of time for them. So, screw your idea that the "Big Bang" Theory is impossible. What's the difference between numbers and words? Words have rules and strategies. Numbers have rules and formulas. Basically, the same thing when it comes to memorizing. So, why am I not better at math? Stop touching me. Stop checking me out. And don't whistle when I swing around playground swingset poles. Decide something. Stick with it. Hmm. I've decided to add my "Current Music" from now on... Yep... The end.

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]